with cheese, please

It’s hard to believe that Christmas was already a week ago today! The week flew by so quickly, but to be fair, I suppose it was because I was so consumed with playing with all of my new toys that I got for Christmas. Santa was good to me this year, because, let’s face it, I was an EXTREMELY good girl.

I was so good that I got every single thing on my list:

1. I had been BEGGING someone all year to get me what every “girl who has everything” needs. A topsy turvy upside down strawberry planter! I could not THINK of a more practical and useful gift. 

If i had a nickel for every time I thought ” Planting strawberries right side up seems virtually insane and impossible. If ONLY some genius could invent an easier way to flip them upside down to make the popular art of strawberry planting much more manageable,” I would probably have roughly a little over $3 million dollars by now. CRISIS AVERTED THANKFULLY.

2. This next gift’s name alone, couldn’t sum me up more perfectly:

The first mistake I ever made in life was coming out of the womb. And i feel like as a nation, we are the #1 target market for this 3 toed sloth creation. AND I AM INTO IT.

3.  I mean, I am pushing 30 next year. This seemed like a reasonable solution. And despite the fact that I usually don’t have enough time to eat lunch or sleep or take my vitamins, I’l be sure to carve out some serious neck crunches time! No one is going to tell ME my priorities are not straight!

4.  6 degrees of separation of Kevin Bacon Wave. Tom Hanks was in Apollo 13 with Ed Harris who was in Gone Baby Gone which was directed by Ben Affleck who dated Jennifer Lopez, who’s ass looks like a pig and a pig is what bacon is made from and if you picture a pig at the beach on a surfboard, you get the Bacon Wave, which is also the same name that you would get if you saw Kevin Bacon across the street saying hello to a neighbor. NAILED IT.  Cooking bacon on a normal plate in a microwave seems kinda nuts. This invention seemed like it was the next best thing after the Shake Weight came on the market. 

5. This last gift was my favorite:  I honestly felt that this gift had the most thought put into it. My close friends and family know how vicious and unpleasant i can be when I am PMSing, so i appreciated their passive aggressive way of telling me that they know I have a heavy flow, yet am a sucker for cute packaging, ESPECIALLY when the maxi pads I am getting are limited edition! They think that I PMS so much that I needed a giant gift box full of them just to get through a couple of days. And it warms my heart to know how well they know me!

Merry Christmas. Hope you and your family had a fun one xo